The lamest movie. EVER!
I just got back from watching what may be the stupidest movie in history, Water Spirit. Gosh, there are so many complaints I have i don’t know where to start. And before I begin, SPOILER WARNING!
Ok, I’ll start with the actors/actresses. First off, of all the bad actors/actresses in the movie (and believe me, there are A LOT!) one actress really really suck eggs. That actress is the one who acts as Julia, the supposedly "Spanish" girlfriend of yet another crappy actor’s character. I’ve seen bad performances before, but this one really takes the cake. I don’t know if she’s ever heard a spanish accent before, which is probably why every sentence that comes out of her mouth sounds as if she just had an anal probe. It really is THAT bad.
Moving on, I shall now critique the characters. So, the main character, a woman named Eve meets this soon-to-be priest which researching stuff at some kind of church. Remember soon-to-be, meaning he isn’t one yet. So this guy would probably make the worst priest ever, other than the other priest I shall tell you about. Eve and Gabriel, the soon-to-be priest go back to where the ghost originated, an creepy abandoned convent. So the two talk, bla bla bla and soon the two start making out. What’s wrong with this picture? Number one, could they pick a more inappropriate time to be sharing saliva with each other? There’s a psychotic killer ghost hell bent on cleansing their sins by means of death and they decide to suck tongues? Secondly, the guy is going to be a priest and while it is technically OKAY to do, you know, since he hasn’t taken his vow of chasity yet, I’m pretty sure there shouldn’t be a bachelor party involved.
Still on the characters, the movie basically revolves around a group of women who were once students of the convent who killed the nun that turned into the ghost. All the women share the same name as saints who were grizzly killed and executed and so the ghost decides to give them the same death their patron saints had. So once about 90% of the women were killed, leaving the last one still standing, they finally managed to find out a pattern between the death of her friends and of their saints. So this woman was fated to die burned in an oven. AN OVEN. And after they decide to try and kill the ghost by impaling her with an arrow which they would shoot using a harpoon (seriously? who carries a harpoon around with them??), the women stupidly volunteers to get items from the kitchen in the convent. I mean, HELLO?! I don’t know about the rest of you but I think most kitchens would be equipped with ovens? How stupid is that?! What the hell was she thinking??
Still on the characters, as I said before, Gabriel would make the second worst priest ever next to Eve’s father who is ironically, a Father. Father Miguel to be exact, who’s been doing the nasty with her mother when she was a teenager and student at the convent.
At the end of the movie, the audience is treated to yet another sour candy in the form of a lousy plot twist. Wanna know what it is? It’s……… *drum roll* THE NUN AND EVE ARE THE SAME PERSON!! <insert dramatic music here>. So like, huh?? I didn’t get it either so I won’t bother explaining but what happened was Eve shot the nun, which meant she shot herself, however stupid that may sound…… >_>.
Overall, I’d give this movie an F-. It would get just an F if the director had seen fit to kill Ms. I-think-I’m-spanish at the beginning or the middle of the movie. She just really annoyed me with her horrendous acting. This movie was an even bigger waste of time and money than ‘The Promise’. And if you guys don’t believe me? Watch it for yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Good hunting.
